A lament for my lost instrument

Posted on by In mind and out

It’s a pleasing thing to hear my whispers
turned into roars by the ocean,
timid sounds that roll around
seashell necklaces of the mermaids
I beg to magnify the crescendo of the waves
and I crave
the thunderous noise of my fingers
like a pianoforte in the seafoam,
or a screaming storm in a teacup
an effortless whip of peaks –
Instead I join the mournful chorus of the mermaids
and we cry, united in our phantom pains of ghostly limbs
and my lost instrument

Sometimes it’s a pleasing thing
to hear whispers turned into roars.

….

I used to play the piano. i miss it….

The heart asks pleasure first by Michael Nyman:

https://open.spotify.com/track/2jxg4D9HONT992DkvKaQ7E?si=0BR0WU1IR2OuKu2GwVOTvA

https://youtu.be/NsQBKr_x-P4

Gif:

http://rebloggy.com/post/gif-photography-sky-landscape-clouds-ocean-sea-storm-scenery-ftsup/31487839572

114 thoughts on “A lament for my lost instrument”

    1. I would love to but I literally cannot use my left hand well enough to play now… but sometimes I record the right hand part and then play the left hand part with my right hand while I play the recording (if that makes sense).

      Liked by 1 person

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      5. Ahh. It’s a lot easier on your pc😉. I had spinal fusion , which caused sensitivity issues with my left hand. I had to re-learn how to play bass and guitar as a result.

        Liked by 1 person

      1. You are most welcome, Rachel. Eyes are getting slowly better—I really did myself in—but I’m back. Thank you for asking. 😊 and thank you for your sweet comments.

        You injured your left hand? I like what you wrote about playing the parts with your right hand. Do you have pain in your left hand?

        Well, what you lost with your instrument-you gained something else. And it’s lovely 🙂
        I like the presentation here with the gif and the music. Super cool! 👍💜

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thank you, I’m pleased you like the music and the gif. Did the link work? It was one of my fave pieces to play. I do kind of feel like writing is my replacement for piano playing so thank you for saying I gained something. I do not have pain in my left hand, altered sensation but not pain. Thanks dear friend. Glad to hear your eyes are better, does wearing glasses prevent the strain?

        Liked by 2 people

      3. Yes the link worked fine. It is a beautiful piece. Quite a love story. I’m glad you don’t have pain in your hand. I can imagine with this poem-a lament-how it must feel to give up something you love,the piano—the mermaids are a beautiful/sad image.

        I may have to think about glasses. Balancing my computer time with outdoor time helps too 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  5. This is superb !

    “my whispers
    turned into roars by the ocean”…
    “we cry, united in our phantom pains of ghostly limbs
    and my lost instrument”

    One of the most beautiful words I’ve ever read. My dear R, you made me fly, you buried me, and now I am lost at sea (the sea of your talent)
    Exquisite!

    Liked by 1 person

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  6. This is very well written! I used to play the piano too and I feel very bad for not practising regularly enough to keep going and getting too busy with studies. But every now and then when I get my hands on a keyboard, the feeling is truly magical regarding the melodious possibilities that my hands had the potential of creating.✨thanks for sharing this one!

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    1. Oh!! Yes, that feeling!!! You described it so well… the endless creative, melodious opportunities, the challenge of learning a song, the feeling of magic when it all comes together, the losing yourself in the music while your fingers seem to just know what to do…..

      Thank you so much, I hope you find some opportunities to create that magic.

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  7. One thing I’ve learned about losing parts of my body is that it amplifies something else within us. We discover abilities we never knew we had. R, if the blind can play, if the armless can play, if the deaf can play… so can you, my friend. Those keys can still feel your touch. From one musician to another… do what you have to do to be one with the piano again.

    I absolutely love the heart you put into this poem, my friend. I know you have strength in you. 💚💙

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    1. Manessah B. How can I convey what it means to hear these words from you. This is such an emotional thing for me, for about a million different reasons. Your faith that I can find a way, means so much. It makes me glad to have posted this poem which I had felt was a little raw, a little revealing…. You are so right, I just have to pull myself out of thinking I can’t, and find the way to do it. I will try out the software mentioned by V Pub. I have always just played ‘acoustic’ so have no idea how to apply technology to my music.

      Thank you lovely friend, I really appreciate this. 🧡❤️

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      1. I understand what you mean about raw and revealing. But those are the feelings that produce the most profound writings, I think. You went deep within and pulled out something of meaning to you and that’s admirable, R.

        If you ever need help with the music technology end of things, I would be happy to help you. Once you start recording yourself, it’s like a dream. ☺️

        I believe in you. All is not lost. You’re very welcome, my friend. ❤️❤️

        Liked by 1 person

  8. Rachel, I don’t know how to react to this…I have read this thrice. Every time I begin to write, I feel, my words are so inadequate. To not be able to do something that you love so much can be so frustrating and debilitating. I admire your channeling this into writing.
    It is such an incredibly beautiful piece, it brought tears to my eyes. And it ended just like a piece of music does.
    If sleeplessness leads to this kind of writing, I would very selfishly hope you have a few such nights every now and then.
    This lament, straight from your heart, is a true gem.💖💖💖

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    1. Oh Punam. Honestly, you have bought a tear to my eye now too. I can’t tell you what it means to have you read this more than once.. to say such kind words, to understand so well exactly what I mean… it is you that is the gem. Huge hugs to you my friend ❤️❤️❤️

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      1. I am sorry if I made you cry. I hope one day you will use technology (as suggested by so many) and be able to share one of your pieces. I would love that. Thanks for sharing the link…it was beautiful. (the first link is not working for me)You are a beautiful soul. Hugs to you too. 🤗❤️

        Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re welcome, Absolutely!

        Writing is therapeutic and it’s another artistic outlet. Many musicians shift between mediums and I am sure you will find your groove again.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Wow, this is quite a compliment. I would say you also have a signature style, and it’s one that I love. Haven’t followed you for long but your poems always stand out to me. Thank you, you’re a bit lovely 😊.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. No no, let me assure you that I come with references that place me at “quite a bit more lovely than you think” haha!
        😅
        Wordpress is a little like sifting for pearls …. and in your writing …. I’m finding them!
        Have a splendid day 🌹

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Actually, now that you mention it, I’ve seen some of those references in the comments sections of your poems. Also would be happy to write you a glowing reference myself. So, let me upgrade you, to “a lot lovely” or “loveliest” or “even more lovely than you would imagine.” Better?! 😂

        You have a splendid day too 🧡

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  12. Wow, this is quite a compliment. I would say you also have a signature style, and it’s one that I love. Haven’t followed you for long but your poems always stand out to me. Thank you, you’re a bit lovely 😊.

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    1. I love your interpretation of this! You are so absolutely right Nour Lee. I hope you get to the sea again soon. I live in a country with a lot of coastline, so sometimes it’s easy to take for granted.

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  22. I understand this better now. I too used to play the pianoforte. I can of course do it no longer. I grieve, as I know you do. I will email you shortly. If that is ok. A very beautiful but extremely sad poem. Your talent for poetry is amazing.

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    1. Thank you, you have lovely words here for me. I’m glad you like the song !! And no, unfortunately I can’t play anymore, not in the regular way anyway. I am trying to get more technology savvy. Thank you 🧡

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      1. Yes, I have always loved it. And I am so sorry you can’t play the same anymore, that must be quite a grief for you.
        Yes, technology is rather amazing that way, I hope you find something helpful!
        And it’s my pleasure!

        Liked by 1 person

  26. I have no musical talent. I imagine a musician without an instrument is almost like losing a body part. You feel as if there is something missing. It must be a wonderful feeling when instrument and musician are one.

    Gorgeous piece of writing.

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    1. You are so right. That feeling of being lost in sounds created with your own hands, your own body… it is harmony – like a violin and a bow (thanks to you for that one), just… right. Thank you Drew (hope it’s ok to use your name). I appreciate the time you’ve taken to read and comment on this.

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      2. I wrote a poem recently where I used the phrase “octaves of a gasp” then I had to go to your site to see if I had somehow subconsciously taken that from something I’d read of yours – i couldn’t find anything, but is that something you have used?

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Maybe that was what I was thinking of… octave of a gasp, falsetto of a sigh…. I can see how I may have made a link there. I had a feeling it was something that may have come from you, must have been inspired from that poem!

        Liked by 1 person

  27. Sometimes it’s a pleasing thing to hear whispers turn to roars.

    Gods that is magnificient writing. To think of the piano as ocean waves is so absolutely close to the mark that I cannot believe I had never seen it that way before.

    I know this summer is about drawing, but this poem makes me wish I had piano lessons too…

    Keep writing my friend. May the words be your melody.

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    1. May the words be your melody….. WOW, how poetic, supportive, amazing is that. This has entirely made my day. I guess that’s what my words have become, and for you to say that is a gift I will treasure. Thank you, you are wonderful.

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  30. Oh, My!! Rachel, I loved this!! Thank you so much for linking me to this!! You have really addicted me to your writing and the beauty and wonderful weaving of your words!! You are a Master of painting masterpieces with your words!!! I really appreciate you sharing this with me.
    Especially, loved the lines:
    I crave
    the thunderous noise of my fingers
    like a pianoforte in the seafoam, . . . .
    Sometimes it’s a pleasing thing
    to hear whispers turned into roars.
    Bellissimo, Rachel, Bellissimo

    I would so love it if you don’t think it rude or inappropriate to ask – Rachel, dare I ask how or why you have lost the ability to play the piano? It hurts my heart to think of you losing something that you loved to do. It would be an honor if you would share that with me?? I’m so happy though that you found poetry! You are really a super Poetess, Rachel!!! Reading your words is like savoring delicious sweets!! Mmmm! You said you had a “Couple” of poems, might you be willing to share the other link with me?? You have made my day, Dear Rachel, with your words and the capture of the feelings and emotions they paint!!
    Chuck
    xoxo
    😘🌹🌹

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Chuck, you really are so kind about my writing. It means so much you enjoy what I write, I feel very lavished upon!

      As for why I can’t play the piano… thank you for asking this. It’s one of those things I often prefer to brush off, it’s a long story and it never feels like there’s a ‘good’ way to tell it. It was neurological Chuck, caused by a lesion in the motor area of my brain a few years ago. Thankfully it was treated and I am fine now, but my hand was permanently affected…. overall I feel lucky but I do grieve not being able to play the piano now. Forgive me, I’ll probably delete this from my blog once you’ve seen it. I really do appreciate you asking, thank you 💜. I’ll see if I can find the link for the other musically themed poem, seen as you’ve asked.

      Take care, and I hope you had a great weekend.
      Xoxo

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      1. Oh, God!! I am so sorry Rachel!! I am so honored and privileged to have you share about your circumstance with the piano! I’m so overjoyed you are ok! You are way too sweet and kind to me! I care about you so I was wanting to know what took your love away from the piano. I definitely understand and expect you to remove this, no forgiveness needed, My Dear!! I do have a contact page that is private as an FYI if I should ever be bold and out of place again!!

        As to your writing, Rachel, it is I who feel lavished upon when I read such moving, elegant and emotional lines from your pen and your mind!! Your words require praise for the masterful execution of such delightful and satisfying poetry!! Until you read a lot of poetry you cannot appreciate this like I do. You, My Dear are like the butterfly who does not know she is beautiful because she cannot see it but those around do – and in my opinion have an obligation to tell her – I’m telling you now, Rachel – You and your words are like the beautiful butterfly! And I can only read and be forced by my heart to tell you thank you – Bellissimo Rachel for the joy of reading your words and work!!

        I hope you had a great weekend and are staying safe!!
        Chuck
        xoxo
        😘💕🌹

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Ok, that’s very fair and less time for you! Would love to do this for you since you are being a, Dear Heart to look at them. I will send you just four and see if that is a good number for you. I will go do this and get them to you later today. I will put them on your contact page!! You are so Sweet!! 😃😃
        Chuck
        xoxo
        😘💕🌹

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Well, just wanted to be sure you see and understand what we see in You and your writing!! Hey, isn’t that what cheerleaders do?? I’m doing the work, just not in the outfit.
        Chuck
        xoxo
        💕😘🌹

        Liked by 1 person

  32. This is truly beautiful my friend, I also love mermaids and write about them occasionally as I am drawn to the sea.

    “the thunderous noise of my fingers
    like a pianoforte in the seafoam,
    or a screaming storm in a teacup
    an effortless whip of peaks –”

    So beautifully written my dear friend. It has been too long since I have seen your lovely words. Sending hugs and love always. You are also in my prayers Rachel, I bet your daughter is a beauty like her mom. You certainly look like a dancer. xoxoxoxo

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    1. Awww Joni. Thank you for these kind words. I was always more of a musician than a dancer, I played the piano for many years. My daughter is the opposite, so graceful and fluid and expressive the way she moves. I love to watch her (she’s eight years old).

      I love the way you read my poems. It is so nourishing and humbling to be read by you. Wishing you the most beautiful day xxooxx

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Published by In mind and out

I write from the corner of the world and from the corners of my mind. I'm Rachel, it was in my mind, and now it's out.