Trenchcoat futility

Today I put on my trench coat
full of desires of a different day
I tuck my magnifying glass into my pocket
and I am a bloodhound,
hunting the air
for your scent
of poetry, vinyl and paint
and hints of smoke and mirrors.

I pad softly behind you,
full of delusions and confusions
I’m pretending you have left me clues
on purpose, I investigate
spreadsheets, maps, sign-posts,
dictionaries and music stores.
I tally up equations with my spell check
And look up close
with my magnifying glass

I hear an echo of a song
Full of excitement, I tell myself it’s you
and I am a greyhound
I run after you,
feeling the wind rush past my ears
and the tears fall in my doe eyes
Even with my streamlined grace
you still outrun me

Finally, I realise
You do not want to be found
I am chasing my own tale
narrated in my own voice

I take off my trench coat.

………..

This is a re-working of a prose-like piece i wrote some time ago.

image: unsplash

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99 thoughts on “Trenchcoat futility

  1. Ah…The inevitable Sherlock Holmes-ing that happens when that someone won’t just say “…hey! I heart you and also want you,you sexy maniac.”

    That would save a LOT of trouble!

    I just LOVED this:

    “I am chasing my own tale
    narrated in my own voice”

    The homophone of tale with tail. Very poetic smarty pants of you,so cool!

    I love the imagery of the second stanza. Frantic and researching every little clue everywhere! So effing relatable.

    Wonderfully penned honey.

    More please and thank you

    ♥♥♥♥♥♥

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Fiery. I am someone who is always looking for meaning everywhere. Sometimes this makes me aware and astute, sometimes, I find things that aren’t there, or find things I don’t want to find… inevitably it means I spend a lot of time in my head, sometimes meaning I’m not looking right in front of me.

      I am so pleased you liked the homophone – poetic smarty pants – oh!!! Most definitely not me!!

      And this: “hey! I heart you and also want you,you sexy maniac.” I wish I could sum things up like you do… and then throw these lines right back at you (they do seem very relevant).

      Thank you fiery goddess, I heart you, as always 🖤🖤🖤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. And you want me ’cause I’m a sexy maniac?

        Lol.
        You’re welcome honey.
        I understand all of that inner, stormy soul searching.

        💜💜💜

        Like

      1. Ahh. That elusive particular element….maybe it will come to you in a dream….
        I’m shutting off for a few days—my tired old eyes need a rest. But, I’ll see you soon, my dear friend, Rachel 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. You know, it just occurred to me… I think that the last part is the hope really. Abandoning a futile search, letting go of something that was a bit painful, or a lot painful.

        I hope your eyes get the rest they need. Take care! 💙🌸

        Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m so sure I replied! But whichever way, I said thank you of course. And that I am really happy to have written something you would call one of your favorite poems (of mine). Thank you for your kind words, I really appreciate it.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Punam! It is a tale of such a futile and pointless search really. A wild goose chase, exactly!!! Sometimes it’s not necessarily a bad thing to abandon a futile search, right, it’s part of a process of letting go…?

      Thank you ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

      1. No, it is not a bad thing to abandon nor is it wrong to continue searching for meaning however pointless it may be. You are so welcome. Every time I reread a poem of yours, there is another layer to peel. ❤️❤️

        Liked by 1 person

    1. It can take some time for the mirrors to be cleared though, right? I never seem to do a good enough job, no matter what, I can’t get rid of the streaks…

      Thank you Fall, I really appreciate your thoughts on my poetry.

      Like

      1. Yes, it can take time, but the point is (as I see it) to strive for the realization of the self, or “individuation,” as Jung called it, and that is a process. What matters is not that we are perfection (that would be quite boring, no?), but that we do our best to uncover the hidden, to… look into the mirror, while offering ourselves kindness and compassion along the way, as we would to others. Might I offer that when we are hard on ourselves, it helps to consider – would I treat a friend or loved one this way? Or even a stranger? Or would I try to be supportive, caring, perhaps a light in their darkness, or a soft place where they could rest? You are very welcome. It is easy to read your poetry, because you are a gifted writer.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. You have such knowledge of psychology… Yes, for individuation we must have insight, and self awareness, and, of course a good measure of self compassion. To have this poem looked at in this way, with such thought and such insight, is truly a gift…. You are a light in the dark, provide the soft place to rest with your kind words, and remind me of the importance of doing the same to myself and for myself.

        Honestly, you are so kind, I’m a bit speechless. Thank you, so very much 💙

        Like

      3. Awww, so sweet, thank you. I just try to remember that we are all in this thing called life together, some show pain, some don’t, but we all know what it is, and could all probably use a safe, soft place to rest at times. Your words move me, and that is such a special gift. So many gifted, lovely people on here that feed my spirit 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Really enjoyed the wordplay in this piece and so many lines to choose from. Using spell check to tally is such an authentic idea and the places you look for that ‘scent’, from spreadsheets to music stores, is telling of the diversity of your interests. We tend to see the world from many perspectives including home, school, work, leisure and within, I guess and oft times wear that trench coat of futility when it’s all in our heads. Excellent writing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Inky. So many places to search, and there is something to be said for such searches being futile at times. I am a ‘searcher,’ I admit it (hopefully that doesn’t make me sound stalkerish!!??), as I like to know people, to understand, and I like to find significance in things. Honestly, sometimes it’s a good quality, and sometimes it’s not. Guess it has its pros and cons, as you say, it’s futile if it’s in our heads.

      Thank you so much for your thoughtfulness and insights 🧡.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I get that, completely. I am an observer and I learn as much as I can about people and places. However, that’s not always a good thing for there are sometimes when I wish I didn’t know some things.

        You are kindly welcome ❤

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Brilliantly written, R! Love the sense of adventure you bring to this poem as you try and learn more about your mystery person, and there’s also a hint of sneakiness in every line. Quietly trailing behind them, yet not wanting to bring any attention to yourself and to the fact that you’re observing their every move. You little investigator you! lol. 😁
    Also enjoyed the ending, as well. Very clever and creative! 💕

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Ahhh yes, stealthy, sneaky, mysterious. Hopefully not stalkerish!!?? 😂. Its hard to let people go sometimes, you can keep hoping, looking for meaning everywhere, but there’s a point where you have to say, actually no, give it up!

      Thank you so much sweet friend, always appreciate your insights and thoughts SO much XOX

      Liked by 1 person

      1. LOL! Stalkerish?? NO!! NEVER! Now if there’s a shrine in your room somewhere of the person, I may give that a second thought! 😂😂

        I agree. It’s hard to let go of some people, especially if you really connected with them on that deep level, you know? Like it’s super easy to forget and move on past the relationships that didn’t really go anywhere meaningful, but the ones that touched us in that special place in our hearts could be a bit more difficult to overcome … but it will eventually pass in time. 🙂

        You are always so welcome, Rachel! You are a wonderful and talented poet, my dear friend and it’s always a pleasure to read your amazing work! Stay inspired! ☺️
        XO

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh my god this is amazing!
    The way you used those metaphors and the suspense of each line since we do not know what are you searching for until the last few lines…simply breathtaking.

    “Smoke and mirrors”- Imagine Dragons. I’m sorry I couldn’t 😂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I love this!! The story you wove had me experiencing so many emotions – the hope, the realization, the acceptance, the disappointment. The putting on of the trench coat could symbolize so many things – stealth, desperation – plus the possible nakedness underneath, of a soul bared. Maybe that’s reading into it too much…anyway, this is exquisite!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you So much for seeing this within my poem, absolutely this symbolises stealth and desperation, and the feeling of wanting to bare your soul to someone but it not really being reciprocated…. I really appreciate these insights, thank you!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Splendid poem. The circle you create here is fascinating. Between putting your trench coat on and taking off, an entire world of delusions, confusion, and excitement. Oh, how beautifully you express what most of us do. The end the world stands still. Gorgeous.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much G. Your beautiful words of encouragement go right to my core and make me want to write more! I realised when I read your last poem that often after reading your poetry I often feel inspired to write. It unlocks something in me. Thank you, lovely G.

      Like

  7. i see how we can dress up and make believe, but in the end we succumb to our own honesty – truth tucked between lines are my favourite type of poetry from you dear friend.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Reblogged this on Notes and commented:
    wow…. @

    I’m pretending you have left me clues
    on purpose, I investigate
    spreadsheets, maps, sign-posts,
    dictionaries and music stores.
    I tally up equations with my spell check
    And look up close
    with my magnifying glass

    Liked by 1 person

  9. “ I am a bloodhound,
    hunting the air
    for your scent
    of poetry, vinyl and paint
    and hints of smoke and mirrors.” – great post!

    I also love how you opened the write with putting your trench coat on and ended it with taking it off.

    Awesome work! I will return to read more. 🙂

    – Renee Verona
    Rarityofparadise.com

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Thanks for bringing us along on this adventure of somewhere and getting nowhere in the natural sense, that manifested in the spiritual. Your voice and your choice, but fate have won and your acceptance is not rejection, returning you to your real connection, You love the adventure and the chase, you never intend to catch, because you have before and quickly you wish you had never opened the door!
    You surely are gifted:) sorry for writing so much, I’ve provoked…

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I read this and feel somewhat at odds.

    This, I think comes from the end, where the love the narrator is after- the joy, the mystery, the adventure- its only chasing its own tail.

    I can’t help but feel like the narcissist who wants perfection and looks and analyzes for what is only a face in a mirror. The futility of looking for yourself in a lover barrels down on me once I get to the end of this poem.

    And I know, or at least I think- this isn’t what she means; there’s something more in the metaphors- the dog breeds, the coat and glass. But no, every time I reach the end and see only a mirror, and the failure of romance breeds hope in despair.

    Thanks as always for writing, my friend.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have read and reread this comment several times, it has given me a lot to think about. It was meant to be a sad tale, where one person pines a relationship that has ended, and thinks somehow they will be reunited, so sees signs of this everywhere just because that is what they hope to see. Their own face in a mirror…

      You are right to see significance in some of these items in the poem, the dog breeds, the vinyl, the paint, the spell check… This poem did indeed come from a deep place.

      I love it how this comment challenges me to think, and if it put you at odds, I hope it is in a way that is reconcilable!

      Thank you, thank you, thank you!! Always.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s always pleasurable to see the author’s interpretation of their own work. This makes a lot more sense than what I had thought and I appreciate the clarification.

        At the very least I was on the right track! I know what I had been thinking was not quite what was there- or maybe I had projected the search from an outside one for the narrator to an inward one.

        Thank you, as always, for writing!

        Like

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