Dreams of herself

Posted on by In mind and out

There was a girl

Her eyes blurred with rain and skin bleached by ghosts

Her hair a wistful wysteria on a sun-drenched porch, that she wound round her fingers while she dreamed

Of a self that she always looked for

…

She dreamed of a house

Where purple flowers of her hair became a paintbrush, and emerald leaves a palette of her desires.

She painted the walls with an honest portrait of herself and did not apologize for her flaws or beauty

Especially not to herself

…

In every room

She slept under a sheet of newspaper, each from a different day of her life

She made a collage of all her fragments and left charcoal footprints everywhere she went

Indelible imprints of herself that she started to love

And even give to others

. .

She sat on the porch

Her eyes clear, her skin warm.

She wore her daydreams in lush cascades of her hair, and held herself in her mind

She saw her desires on the path in front of her

And followed them

featured image: Kawarazaki Shodo

56 thoughts on “Dreams of herself”

  1. Beautiful description. So many lines to pick from but the image of sleeping beneath a sheet of newspaper from each day of her life… that is just brilliant!

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  3. Lovely! Our wisteria (on the back porch in the full morning sun) is just starting to wake up. Oh the fragrance! Now I will have this sweet poem to think of when we are sitting under it’s purple flowers 🙂
    “…never apologized…flaws…or beauty…” nailed it!
    🙂

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  4. under a sheet of newspaper, oh this one was brilliant and to me the backbone of this amazing piece of poetry…. it is a revelation of a soul seeking to be witnessed yet also deeply layered with words that tug at my heart and mind, what could be underneath that thin covering? there is also a transformation happening as the lines progress, from thinness to lushness. love being enveloped by your writing my dear

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    1. If I manage to envelop you in writing, then I am very happy! From thinness, to lushness 💛, this was what I hoped to convey – that being true to your dreams, and facing up to /accepting yourself results in growth and fulfilment. I think lush is one of my favourite words, it seems to keep finding its way into my writing but I never seem to convince myself enough to remove it!
      Thank you, my dear Gina, your words about my writing are part of what allows me to believe that pushing ‘publish’ is an ok thing to do! xo

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      1. i love that word lush too, it conveys a deep satisfaction somehow, and love how you use it here. some words are “our” words, it is part of our personality. never hesitate, it is all your talent and work, I am just one of your ardent readers!

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Aw…this was really moving. Feeling all over emotional today so you tugged a few heartstrings.
    I love …(I should know what it’s called since I am an English teacher lol) the displacement of
    beautiful objects performing unexpected tasks…the purple flowers becoming a paintbrush and the wearing of her daydreams. Just love that stuff.
    Really enjoyed this, you have a lot of heart and compassion I feel
    🌟🌟🌟💜

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    1. Oh, I hope the emotions that are within the overemotional are positive ones, my lovely.
      You know, if I am honest, your poetry has made me think a lot, and this thinking was behind some of the content of this poem. Your writing about ‘home,’ about being true to yourself… it really got to me. Thinking about what I actually want, I realise I don’t even really know, there are so many sliding doors moments where I never really ‘decided,’ I just walked through the most convenient or safest door…
      So, I really appreciate your comments, although, now I know you’re an English teacher (can’t say I’m surprised though), I am a little scared.. 😂
      Big hugs to you, I’m sorry/not sorry if this pulled on your heartstrings, it’s only fair since you pulled on mine xox

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      1. Haha…yes you’re right, it is only fair.
        Well, I am so happy that my post made you think, hon. It makes pouring out all that stuff worth it if it inspired you in any way to write something like this. I think a lot of us look to those ‘what if’ moments. If I’ve learned anything from life it’s that although we wish we could go back and change the course of things and decisions that we made, if you just think on those painful consequences of the choices we can’t unmake, you can see that every step and situation , as effed up as it may feel, all happened to take us towards something or someone or somewhere we are supposed to be. It’s that old cliché of everything happens for a reason and it’s a cliché because it’s so true.
        Such awful shit we have all been through at some point or another, such painful lessons we learn and deep scars we carry, they all happened so we can reach our truth. I think anyway.
        It keeps me going and gives me clarity when shitty things just seem to keep happening. They make no sense until you look at them as steps towards something else or as parts of your self puzzle you’re trying to piece together.
        Oh god don’t even worry about the whole English teacher thing. I switch that part off when I read and write poetry.
        I’m all smooshy emotions and much less logic and syntax lol.
        Much cuddleation ♡♡♡

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      2. I really hope you are right!!! If all things happen for a reason, toward a goal we actually truly want, then that is so comforting. A self-puzzle to piece together, really, these lines should be within my poem. Thank you so much for your wise words, and the cuddleation. You have a big and full heart and I am so grateful for you to share a little piece of it with me in your words ❤️❤️

        Liked by 1 person

      3. R,
        I really do believe it to be true because I’ve thought on it a lot and I’ve realised it IS true. You only have to open your eyes.
        Oh…well I hope my heart is big and full of love, it’s the only thing that makes sense most days.
        Your welcome. You’re very sweet and u appreciate you and our little chats
        ♡♡♡

        Liked by 1 person

    1. I just retrieved a couple of comments from you in my spam folder! Sneaky wordpress!! Especially as this particular comment holds words that I am so humbled and grateful to receive…. I would love to read a self-portrait by you, it would be amazing. Thank you so much my friend ☺♥♥

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  15. “She dreamed of a house

    Where purple flowers of her hair became a paintbrush, and emerald leaves a palette of her desires.”

    What a beautiful line. There are so many lines in this poem that are as beautiful individually as they are when put together in this composition !
    This is a brilliant piece, carved out so wonderfully. I’m just in awe of this one 🙂 ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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  19. Pingback: Wisteria Wishes 💜 – Growing Up Sideways

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Published by In mind and out

I write from the corner of the world and from the corners of my mind. I'm Rachel, it was in my mind, and now it's out.